A Spring Break Affair: Love Always Leads You Back
by Jailynn5
Summary: Chapter Nine is now posted :) This is a One-Shot prequel, consisting of only a couple chapters of the events leading up to my other stories, "Secret Life the Movie: When One Chapter Closes…" and "Secret Life 2: Happily Ever After?".
1. Chapter One: Amy's Coming Home

**A Spring Break Affair: Love Always Leads You Back.**

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This is a One-Shot prequel, consisting of only a couple chapters of the events leading up to my other stories, "Secret Life the Movie: When One Chapter Closes…" and "Secret Life 2: Happily Ever After?" (I strongly recommend reading that story first, so you know the basis for this one).

Synopsis: Three years after Amy left for Hudson University, she and Ricky continued co-parenting to the best of their abilities. New relationships brewed between her and Ben, and Ricky and Clementine, but neither one of them felt fully committed to their partners. During Spring Break of Amy's senior year in college, she returns home to visit. She and Ricky spend some long awaited time together, and eventually the love they've always had for each other, causes things to happen. When one thing leads to another, they are left questioning whether this was a mistake, or does love always lead you back? (Rated Mature for Sexual Content).

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_**Author's note:**__ This will be written in both Amy and Ricky's Point Of View, and will switch back and forth between scenes. Hope you enjoy._

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**Chapter One: Amy's Coming Home.**

Ricky's Point Of View

Drip… Drip… Drip… The sound of the coffee slowly making its way into the pot was driving me crazy.

It was 6am, and I had been up all night looking over the paperwork for the new butcher shop. There were so many things to do, like making sure the permits were all in place, the contracts, the potential new employee resumes, ugh, my head was spinning.

I couldn't wait to drink some of the coffee brewing on the kitchen counter, and if it didn't finish soon, I was going to have to steal some of John's Elmer's Glue, and seal my eyelids open.

John still hadn't moved from his bed yet, despite my three attempts to wake him up.

This was the normal routine every morning. I would have to fight with him to get up for school, and then he would slowly drag his little body around the house, making us both run late on time.

I was used to it though, it was kind of like our thing, plus, I wasn't any more enthusiastic about the morning then he was. I hated them too, and I'd much rather sleep in past ten o'clock anyway; but that was not possible, and we both really needed to get moving.

"John!" I yelled on the top of my lungs, this time about four times louder than I yelled the last three times.

A few seconds later he appeared, sluggish as ever, in the hallway opening.

"I don't feel good daddy, I think I'm sick" he said following an exceedingly obvious fake cough.

I smirked a little; he was pretty funny to think he could pull one over on me.

"Yeah, I'm sure you are just fine John" I said as I stood up and walked over to the finished coffee pot anxiously.

_Ahh, finally_.

I took the first and most anticipated sip from my mug filled with plain black coffee, and turned around to find John making his way over to the chair by the table.

"What kind of cereal do you want today buddy? We've got Cheerios or Cornflakes." I asked, and John listlessly replied "cornflakes dad".

I grabbed the milk from the refrigerator and a bowl from the cabinet, and placed it on the table in front of him, motioning for him to pour it himself.

He sighed, but did it anyway.

Lately I had been trying to make him a bit more independent, pushing him to do things on his own, or in my motivating words, like a "big boy".

He just turned six, and although I was guilty of babying him a bit, he had to start learning to do things on his own too.

I sat back down, beside John at the kitchen table and continued to drink the rest of my coffee, as he ate his cereal.

Even though I wasn't the biggest fan of mornings, I truly enjoyed these kinds of mornings with my son, before the daily vibes kicked in. Even if we sat in silence at the kitchen table, it was still just John and I, it was our thing.

"Are you picking me up from school today daddy?" John asked after placing the last spoonful of cornflakes in his mouth.

"No buddy, Mommy is coming today remember? She'll be here this afternoon, her and grandpa are picking you up and you're going to stay overnight at grandpas house".

A smile beamed across his face, and his eyes lit up passionately. "Oh yeah! I forgot!" he shouted. "I can't wait to see mommy, I miss her so much!" he exclaimed.

I smiled and then responded "I know you do buddy; now why don't you go get dressed for school? The sooner you get dressed, the sooner we can get you to school, and the sooner mommy will be there to pick you up afterwards".

John jumped out of his seat eagerly, and ran towards into his room to do as I said.

He's really missed Amy. These past four years have been hard on him… he needs his mother, and although I'm doing the best I can raising him on my own basically, her graduating and returning home this May is going to be a big help. As much as John gets excited to see his mom during visits home, she eventually has to leave and go back, and he is depressed for days afterwards. I would say that was probably the worst part about Amy and I's agreement. At least this is the last "visit", and come May, she will be home for good, and I know John can't wait.

It's been about three months since I'd seen Amy last, back on her Christmas Break visit.

That wasn't exactly _fun_ for me though.

Her and Ben both returned home together for the holidays, and Clementine left for Florida to visit with family, so I was pretty much alone.

John wanted to be with his mother, and of course George and Kathleen both invited me over, but there was no way in hell I wanted to be there while Ben and Amy were prancing around together.

I hated the fact that she was even with him in the first place again, but hell, who was I to say anything right?

Yeah I was with Clementine, but I didn't jump into that as fast as Amy did.

I was miserable when she left, and to be honest I still was, but she and Ben were together in less than a year after she left home.

Ugh, it pissed me off so much.

There we were, twenty four hours away from walking down the aisle together, and in less than a year she was back in Ben's arms? It really agitated me even thinking about it.

Clementine and I had only been together for about a year, and it took me almost three years to even allow myself to be in a relationship with anyone again after Amy.

She pretty much _ripped_ my heart out.

Clementine was a good woman, and she truly cared about me, but I was still unsure, a year into our relationship, whether or not I was doing the right thing by being with her.

I liked her, she was smart, funny, and beautiful, but I wasn't in love with her.

I don't think I would ever be in love with her.

The only woman I ever loved decided to move three thousand miles away from me, and even still, she was the only woman I loved.

She wasn't mine though, and I had accepted that at that point, but it didn't mean it didn't hurt still, because it did.

It cut like a thousand knives to watch her with Ben, hence the reason I couldn't spend Christmas at George and Kathleen's with them.

Either way, this time Amy was coming home alone for Spring break, because Ben was involved in some sort of internship out in New York, and although I was happy about not seeing him, I always got nauseous and nervous in the days leading up to her visits home.

It happened every time, and this time was no different than the others.

She always insisted on getting dinner with me or something, just so we could talk about John in school and everything else. I understood her reasoning for it, which is why I always complied, but it killed me to sit with her alone.

I don't think the feelings I have for her will ever disappear, and every time I sit there looking over at her across from me, I find myself slowly sinking back into the depression that took me over after she left four years ago.

Not only did I have to deal with my own emotions when she would visit, but I also had to deal with Clementine's nervousness, and uneasy feelings towards my spending time with the mother of my child.

She always gets real clingy when Amy comes home, for reasons I could understand of course, but still she gets quite irritating.

She calls me a hundred times throughout the day, and of course every time I meet with Amy about John, she needs to know every detail we spoke about.

Ugh, and probably the worst part is the fact that whenever Amy is in town, Clementine's pressures to sleep together go in full force.

I haven't had sex with anyone since Amy, and to be honest I was okay with that. A lot has changed since I was in high school, before Amy and I got together. I realized how important love is when it comes to sleeping with someone, and ever since Amy, well, I haven't felt that way about anyone ever again.

I wanted to feel that way for Clementine, I did, but it just wasn't there right then, and I was unsure of whether or not it ever would be. It was complicated I guess.

"Daddy I'm ready" John says as he runs into the kitchen and interrupts my own thoughts.

Suddenly my cell phone buzzes on the table next to me, just as I'm about to answer him.

"_Incoming Call from Amy_" is on the screen.

"Mommy's calling right now John" I told him as I swiped the phone to answer.

"Hey Amy" I answered.

"Hey Ricky, I was just calling to talk to John real quick before my plane takes off" Amy said, on the other end.

"Oh okay, he's right here, you will definitely be here before John gets out of school later"

"Yeah of course, I can't wait to see him" she responded.

"He's excited too Amy, here I'll put him on"

I smiled and handed John the phone, and he walked into the living room with it to talk to his mother.

I couldn't lie, I was excited to see Amy, I would always be, but on the other hand, my nerves were spinning through me like adrenaline.

I don't know why, after four years I couldn't get over these feelings, ugh, this was going to be a rough couple of days.


	2. Chapter Two: A Long Flight

**A/N:** Thank you all so much, I'm glad you like this idea! Please read and review, your encouragement, questions, and suggestions are really appreciated.

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**Chapter Two: A Long Flight.**

Amy's Point of View

I had about an hour left on the plane before arriving in California, and at this point I've already been traveling for about five hours.

It was technically about 5:30 PM in New York at this point, but by the time I would arrive in California, it would only be about 1:30 PM there.

I was exhausted, and jet lagged, but it was all worth it because I would finally see John.

God I've missed him.

Going three months without seeing your child is a long time, and definitely the worst part about attending school in New York.

However, it wasn't long now till I would finally graduate and return home to be with him.

It's crazy how fast time actually flies, and I couldn't believe it had been almost four full years already.

Four years since I left California, four years since I've lived in the same home as my son, four years since I'd broken up with Ricky, and four years since our "almost wedding".

Things were going to be really weird when I returned home in May, and would definitely take some time getting used to it all over again.

Ben wasn't exactly thrilled about my returning home in May. Although he knew I had John waiting for me, so he understood, but I think he more or less expected me to uproot John and bring him to New York, but I couldn't do that.

Ricky made a life for himself in California, he was getting ready to close on a house he purchased, and he just received a promotion at work. It wasn't right to just rip his son away from him, especially after he took care of him these past four years.

I was grateful to him for that. He let me enjoy my time in New York, without ever once making me feel horrible about it.

Of course, in the beginning, when I first left, things were awkward, but eventually it got better. We had to remain friends, we had to communicate, and we had to move past everything, if not for ourselves, but for Johns sake.

Ben knew when we first got together that I would most likely return to California after college, but it all went by so quickly, I couldn't really blame him for being bummed about it then.

I think he really wanted to stay in New York, and as much as I was going to miss him, I had to let him be happy too. I mean, he had considered going to Law School back home, but I really didn't think he wanted to. He enjoyed New York, and if I wasn't a mother, than I would have loved to stay there too, but I was, and well, things were going to get really complicated in May.

Ben kept telling me we would work through it all, and we'd figure it all out when the time came, but I couldn't help to doubt that.

The worst part was I wasn't really sure if I was that upset over it. I mean, of course I had feelings for Ben, and I think I loved him deeply, but I don't think I was really sure of whether or not that love was passionate, or more of just the love you have for a friend you really cared about.

All I knew was I loved John, and he meant more to me than Ben did, as mean as that sounds, it was the truth.

My thought process was interrupted momentarily by the flight attendant asking me if I'd like more water. I nodded yes politely in response and she refilled my cup.

After taking a few sips and placing the cup on the fold out tray in front of me, I laid my head back into the purple bean filled neck pillow I bought at the airport before my flight.

This was a pretty long flight, and I knew I wouldn't sleep due to nervousness and excitement both, but I needed to find some way to keep comfortable at least.

This flight hasn't been too bad though, and I had experienced some rough flights during my time going back and forth from New York and California these past four years.

The first time I visited home, freshman year, there was so much turbulence that the pilot warned us that we might have to make an emergency landing in Las Vegas.

We made it to California, but boy was it a scary plane ride, and it went from six hours long to almost eight hours long.

When I got off that plane and saw John and Ricky at the gate, I practically tackled them to the floor from hugging them so hard. I was so nervous that something would go wrong on that plane, that when I finally did see their faces, it was one of the best feelings in the world.

I can vividly remember Ricky's reaction to my overjoyment of seeing him that day.

He was pretty confused by my emotions, and who could really blame him? I had canceled our wedding and left him for New York about 4 months prior. He thought I basically hated him.

I didn't though, and I never would. I said it to him the night I left, but it was only because he said it first. It sounds childish of me, but technically… well no, it was childish of me, there was no excuses; however, it was childish of him also to say it first. Either way, neither one of us meant it.

Speaking of Ricky, I was so distraught about seeing him. I know I shouldn't have cared, but he and Clementine were together now, probably for about a year or so, and ugh, I just hated knowing it.

There was just something about… _her _that pissed me off so much. Not that I would be jumping for joy to see Ricky with anyone really, but seeing him with Clementine, it just really irked my nerves.

She tried to sabotage Ricky and I's relationship while we were together, and then in the end she ended up with him anyway. I guess I was a bit jealous, but I had a right to be. Ricky and I almost got married; he was the father of my son… I don't know, maybe I was selfish, but either way I didn't like _her._

Just as I was repositioning myself on the seat, the loud speaker came on… "Good afternoon everyone, this is your pilot speaking, we will be making an early landing in California in about fifteen minutes, so if you would kindly be seated and fasten your seat belts, we will begin our descent. Thank you again for flying with us, and we hope you enjoyed your flight."

Ugh finally, I was so ready to get off that plane. My dad would be waiting at the gate for me, and shortly after we grabbed something to eat, because I was starved, we would be heading to John's school to pick him up.

I was ecstatic, and this plane couldn't land fast enough.


	3. Chapter Three: Heavy Hearts

**Chapter Three: Heavy Hearts.**

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**Ricky's Point Of View**

_**Friday Afternoon**_

It was about 4pm when I finally left the new butcher shop, and it felt like an extremely long day. It wasn't open to the public yet, but there was a ton of renovations going on, and I had to conduct what felt like a hundred interviews, as well as making sure orders and permits were in place.

I was ecstatic that Leo offered me a management position, but there was a lot that came with the title too. A lot of responsibility, but I was doing a pretty good job at handling it though.

However, Clementine kept calling me nonstop off the hook today, for no reason at all; she just wanted to "_talk_".

Talk? Clementine never calls me every half hour to "_talk_".

The truth is, she was especially nervous or whatever that Amy was in town. I get it, I do, but it was extremely irritating when my phone kept ringing while I was trying to get things done.

I called her as soon as I got in my car, and told her she needed to cool it, but of course that's in one ear and out the other… ugh women.

Either way she was mad at me anyhow, because I was on my way towards George and Kathleen's house at this point, to meet them, Amy, and John for dinner.

Clementine wasn't happy about this, but really… I didn't care.

Amy was the mother of my son, and I was invited last minute, but I know John wanted me there. I wasn't going to say no, because of Clementine. My son wanted me to be there, and I was going, whether or not she approved.

I shut my cellphone off once I pulled up in front of George's house. I really didn't feel like listening to it ring constantly during the entire dinner. Clementine would be pissed, but I'd deal with her later.

I took a deep breath and swiped my hand through my hair real fast in the car. I was still nervous every time I saw Amy; I don't think I ever wouldn't be.

She made me feel insecure for some reason I couldn't explain. I guess it was due to the fact that I would always love her, and I was always afraid of her opinion of me. I guess I tried as hard as I could to impress her in a sense, always hoping she would confess her love for me, even if years had passed.

I don't know, I guess I was never able to get over her. How could I? It was Amy, the mother of my child… the only person I ever really loved.

I slowly pulled myself out of the car and made my way towards the door.

After knocking for a few seconds, George answered and greeted me.

"Hey Ricky, C'mon in"

John came running towards me with a hug and said "Hi Daddy"

"Hey Bud, having fun with mommy?" I asked, and he shook his head yes with a great amount of enthusiasm.

Just as George shut the door behind me, Amy walked into the hall. I looked up, speechless as always.

There she was, the same gorgeous Amy as she'd always been.

Her hair was the same, long and straight as she'd always worn it. Except for a braid that swept across the front and to the side. She was only in sweats and a t-shirt, probably from traveling, but she was still breathtaking to me. She was beautiful, just as she'd always been.

She smiled, and politely said "Hey Ricky"

I smiled back at her, but quickly spit out some words before things got to awkward.

"Hey Amy, it's nice to see you"

Amy smiled and walked towards me. She wrapped her arms around me and greeted me with a hug.

I couldn't lie; I didn't want to let her go. She smelled exactly as I'd always remembered, and just the feeling of her inside my arms again was a great feeling… even if it wasn't anything besides a greeting. It brought back everything for me, even if she would never know that, at least I would.

As she pulled herself back, she smiled again, and said "It's good to see you too Ricky".

My heart fluttered, it always did whenever I saw her. I couldn't explain the feeling then, but I knew I wasn't over her. Every time I saw her it was like a dagger through my heart. She just did something to me, that no other person could ever do.

I quickly pulled myself together and followed George, Amy, and John to the dining room where Tom and Kathleen were both waiting at the table.

The dinner looked amazing. Kathleen had cooked up some chicken cutlets, rice, vegetables, and desert for afterwards.

I was starving at that point, after being at the shop all day. I had been so busy I forgot to eat anything, so I couldn't be more excited to dig in on that meal.

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**Amy's Point Of View**

_**A little while after dinner…**_

It was about 7pm, and I was completely wiped out from the traveling earlier. Normally in New York I would be sleeping right now. That was one of the worst parts about visiting home, the time difference.

Ricky was outside on the porch, probably on the phone.

He checked his cellphone after desert, and I saw his eyes light up like he had received a ton of missed calls or something. I thought maybe it was about all the stuff going on at his job, but his face turned annoyed real quick, so I knew it was most likely Clementine.

She'd probably been calling him the entire time he was there. The last time Ricky and I were around each other on my visit home, he complained about Clementine hounding him the entire time.

She was annoying.

I mean, don't get me wrong, Ben was a little nervous too, but he wasn't nearly as hovering as Clementine was to Ricky. I mean god, give him a break; he's with his son and the mother of his son.

Ugh.

Ricky had been outside for a long time, and I could tell that John was getting really tired so I decided to go out to the porch, to let Ricky know that we were probably going to try and get some sleep soon.

When I walked outside he was sitting on the step, and all I heard was "You're acting insane", before he heard me behind him.

He then quickly said "Listen I've gotta go" to the person on the phone, and hung up abruptly.

I knew it was her, but I didn't say anything. I just took a seat beside him on the step.

He looked nervous. Then again, he always looked nervous when we were around each other.

I guess I was too, but I think I had an easier time hiding it than him.

He'd always been uneasy around me since I left. I knew he was still hurt by everything, and it bothered me to see him struggling still.

I loved Ricky, and I would always love him, but when I left for school we weren't in the right position to do anything we had planned on doing.

If we would have gotten married I would have regretted it, and he would have also. I know it.

We were too young, too naïve, and neither one of us knew what we really wanted.

But even knowing that, it was still hard to face him every time I came home to visit, even if it had been three and a half years already. It was still Ricky… the father of my son… the guy I lost my virginity to and the man I shared a really special bond with.

As I took a seat next to him, I could tell he was stressed.

"Everything okay?" I asked innocently, even though I knew it wasn't.

He nodded, and then lied "yeah".

I looked out at the clear California sky.

"I miss the skies here. In New York there aren't as many stars because of all the skyscrapers", I pointed out while gazing in front of me.

"I thought you loved New York?" he asked curiously.

"I do, but there's nothing like home, ya know?"

I turned and looked towards Ricky, he was staring at me. I could tell he was lost in thought, but he quickly turned away and said, "Yeah I guess. I don't think I would ever leave here, I like living in California… its comfortable".

He was right… it was comfortable. I think that was why I was returning once I graduated. I really did enjoy the big New York City, but this was… home. This is where I wanted John to grow up, this is where I wanted to raise him, and this was where I eventually wanted to settle.

It was nice to see different places, but there was never anything like my hometown. Even with all I had endured growing up, it was still filled with memories, my memories, good and bad.

"John was so excited this morning to see you" Ricky said, breaking the silence.

I smiled. I loved hearing that. I missed John so much, and although I was gone for a long time, I was confident that John loved me. His face lit up every single time I came home.

He was growing up so fast, and I couldn't wait until I could be with him every day again.

"I was excited too, I miss him so much" I replied.

Ricky smiled also. "Thanks for inviting me over tonight for dinner; I really was starving so I was kind of happy when John called"

"No you don't have to thank me. I figured it would be nice to see you anyway, and really, dad and Kathleen are the ones who thought of it" I responded.

"Well either way, thanks for letting me come over" he said kind of saddened.

"Letting you? Ricky, why wouldn't I _let_ you?" I asked curiously.

Ricky chuckled a bit, "I don't know, I didn't think you'd want to see me on your first night home I guess"

I didn't laugh back at him though; I didn't think that was funny. I actually thought that was a pretty stupid assumption.

"Ricky, it's not like I hate you or anything, why would you think that I wouldn't want to see you?" I said very matter of factly.

Ricky noticed my confusion, and I think it made him feel a bit uncomfortable.

"I don't know… I guess… ah nothing, forget it Amy. It's getting late, I should probably get going" he said very cautiously.

"Oh… okay." I said.

"I'm sorry, I'm not trying to be rude Amy, I'm just tired… did you want to talk about something?" he asked.

"No, no it's okay. I'm here for a few days, we'll get together to talk about John and stuff another night, when were both not tired." I suggested.

"Are you sure Amy? I'm really sorry; it's just been a long day"

"I'm positive Ricky, really, don't worry about it" I tried to assure him.

"Thanks. I'm assuming John will be here all day and overnight again tomorrow?" he asked before we both got ready to get up.

"Yeah I was hoping so; Ashley is actually coming home tomorrow also. She decided last minute, but it's basically only for twenty four hours though. She has a meeting in Los Angeles Sunday morning, and then she's heading back to Italy afterwards"

"Really? I didn't know she was visiting, John will be excited to see her, and I'm sure you are also" he said.

"Yeah no one knew until last night, you know Ashley she's always been known to just surprise everyone unexpectedly… but yeah I do miss her… kind of" I let out a small laugh as I finished that sentence jokingly.

"Well, I'm sure you'll have fun then tomorrow" Ricky said smiling.

I thought about our plans tomorrow, Ashley and I talked last night about taking John out to the local spring fair going on in town, and figured maybe I should ask Ricky to come with us also. He seemed kind of down for some reason.

"Are you working tomorrow?" I asked.

He shook his head no.

"Why don't you come out with Ashley, John, and I then? We're just going to the fair in town, nothing spectacular, but I'm sure John would like for you to come" I suggested.

"I don't want to intrude on your time with John, Amy…" he started.

"No Ricky, really, you wouldn't be intruding, I promise. Come with us please"

Ricky looked me straight in the eyes. It was like he was looking right inside of me. His stare still gave me a silly feeling inside my stomach for some reason.

"I'll try. I'll call you in the morning." He answered.

I smiled and nodded in agreement.

Again he was just staring at me, and I could feel my body reacting to his presence. No one ever looked at me the way Ricky did. I knew he really cared about me, and even though I was with Ben at the time, I still couldn't help but sink into his gaze… ugh, Ricky Underwood, why was I so smitten by you?

Finally, after what seemed like hours, Ricky broke the gaze, as well as the silence, and stood up from the steps.

"It was good seeing you Amy, but I'm going to head home alright? Give John a kiss goodnight for me" Ricky said.

I stood up and nodded in agreement, but didn't say anything.

Ricky just looked at me and then turned to walk away towards his car.

I watched him as he made his way down the walkway… I could tell just sitting with me was painful for him… and at that moment, my heart felt heavy as well.


	4. Chapter Four: Revisiting Familiar Places

**A/N: Hi everyone! So I just wanted to ask everyone's opinion on this story so far? I haven't had as many reviews as the other two stories, and I was just curious whether or not people are still interested? So please let me know if this story is worth continuing or not :) BTW the good RAMY scenes are going to start in the next chapter, jus sayin' lol**

**Either way, enjoy!**

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**Chapter Four: Revisiting Familiar Places.**

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**Ricky's Point Of View**

Saturday morning.

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I rolled over to my side, to avoid the sunlight peeking through my window and hitting my face. My back felt stiff, and my neck was sore.

I slept on the couch all night, and never pulled out the sofa bed.

I was on the phone with Clementine for over an hour arguing about non-sense.

She would get so damn crazy every time Amy came home, it was really irritating. I was actually surprised she didn't just show up in the middle of the night just to check and make sure I was home alone.

I didn't even know why we were together. There was no trust in our relationship, at least on Clementine's behalf.

It wasn't that I didn't trust Clementine, but I don't think I really cared either way… it was hard to explain.

Doctor Fields told me I was just trying to substitute my pain by being in a relationship, and I guess I kind of agreed. After Amy left, it shattered me, and it changed my perspective on things.

I mean, I changed my whole life for Amy… I stopped sleeping with random woman, and I fully committed myself to someone.

In the beginning of our relationship I wasn't sure why I was doing it, and whether or not I was sticking around because I was actually interested in Amy, or just because I wanted John to have both of his parents together; but, as time went on, I fell hard for Amy. She became everything to me, and I think I just discovered the love I'd always had for her.

She didn't give up on me, and she still gave us a chance even though she knew what kind of person I was. She believed that I could be faithful to her, and I guess her confidence and belief is what helped me to control myself.

So maybe I was trying to make myself forget Amy, by being with Clementine. We did have good times though; however, I think I was a lot happier in the beginning of our relationship, when we weren't so serious, and we would just have fun.

It got my mind off of Amy, and allowed me to laugh for the first time since we had broken up.

But things were getting rough at this point. Clementine just didn't understand the fact that I had no choice but to stay involved in Amy's life… at least until John was an adult.

But I couldn't seem to shake the feeling of uncertainty, and I felt bad because Clementine was in the relationship wholeheartedly.

I wanted to move on, I wanted to be happy with someone other than Amy, but my heart just wasn't in it… I still wasn't over Amy.

As I dragged myself to the kitchen to our some milk for myself, I heard my phone buzz on the coffee table.

After getting my glass of milk, I made my way back over to my phone to check it.

It was a text from Amy. I was supposed to call her in the morning… I forgot.

It was already 10am, and she and John had probably left already. I swiped the message open on the screen…

**To: Ricky**

**From: Amy**

**Hey! Just checking to see if you are coming with us to the fair today? John and I just got breakfast at the coffee shop, and are waiting here for Ashley. Let me know if we should wait here for you also, or if you will just meet us there?**

I was about to respond when my phone started ringing in my hands. It was Clementine.

I stared at the screen for a few minutes, seriously debating on ignoring the call, only because I was really sick of fighting at this point.

At the last minute I decided to answer… if I didn't, I would probably just hear it later, so I figured I should just get it over now.

"Hello", I answered.

"Good Morning", Clementine said strangely cheerful.

I was completely confused, and definitely not expecting such a nice response.

"Uh, good morning" I said cautiously.

"Did you just wake up? It's beautiful out, you should be up already"

"Yeah, well, I was up pretty late" I said sarcastically.

"Listen, I'm sorry about last night okay? I know I was wrong, but let me make it up to you today, can I come there?"

"Make it up to me how?" I responded playfully.

"You'll see when I get there" she reciprocated.

Just as I mentioned before, whenever Amy was in town, the pressure to sleep together was on also in Clementine's mind.

"I actually have to go somewhere, but we'll hang out when I get home later if you want"

Silence lingered on the line.

"Go somewhere with who?" she said viciously.

I took a deep breath and then explained.

"I'm going to go with John, Ashley, and Amy to the fair… John wants me to be there"

"I don't understand you… Amy is in town for only a couple of days… doesn't she want to spend time with her son alone? Why do you have to go with them?" she said.

"Because my son wants me there Clementine, that's why. And if you're just going to argue with me about it, then I'm getting off the phone right now" I snarled.

"Well I hope you, Amy and John enjoy your little family outing together then!" she shouted before hanging up on me.

I was tempted to throw the phone across the room, and at the wall, but I composed myself.

I probably should have called Clementine back, but to be honest, I really didn't care to talk to her anymore, not right now at least.

I swiped the screen on my phone, back to Amy's text message, and replied…

**To: Amy**

**From: Ricky**

**Yeah, I'm coming. I'll meet you at the fair in about an hour.**

I set my phone back on the table, and quickly got up and made my way towards the bathroom, to jump in the shower.

* * *

**Amy's Point Of View**

About an hour later…

* * *

John, Ashley, and I had arrived at the fair a little while ago, and of course as soon as we got there, John dashed for the games. He had a competitive spirit, kind of like Ricky and I both I guess.

Ashley ran into Griffin when we first got here, and the two of them had been talking over by the food trucks for a while. I'm sure they had a ton of catching up to do, so I didn't mind.

John and I were at one of the fishbowl games, you know the ones where you have to throw a ball and get it in one of the many fishbowls lined up, and if you get it in, then you win a goldfish?

John was on his second try, again he was very competitive, and had a hard time just giving up after one shot, so I let him play again, what was the harm?

Just as he threw his second ball, out of three, Ricky walked up behind us, and kind of startled me when he shouted "focus on the actual bowl, rather than the rims John".

John turned around in surprise also, and smiled at his dad, and then proceeded to throw his last ball.

He really concentrated this time, probably thinking about what Ricky just said to him, and when he finally threw it, he made it in one of them.

John jumped up and down in excitement, and hugged Ricky while thanking him for the pointer.

The worker handed John his goldfish in a clear plastic bag, with a knot tied on top. John was ecstatic, although I'm sure that fish would only last a couple of days. Goldfish never make long-term pets.

"Hey Ricky, I'm glad you could make it", I said briefly as we both followed John to the next game.

"Yeah, I figured why not? I had nothing else to do today really, and I know John wanted me to come so, I came", he replied.

"Well, I'm sure he's happy you're here", I said and smiled in return.

"Where is Ashley? I thought she was coming into town?" he asked.

"Oh she's here, she ran into Griffin, and the two of them are talking"

"Oh okay, Griffin? Wow, I haven't seen him in a long time", he said.

"Yeah, me either. He goes to school out in Los Angeles apparently, and is home for Spring Break also" I replied.

Ricky nodded.

We finally caught up to John at the next game he wanted to play, and were both surprised to see a familiar face standing by.

I walked over and tapped on the man's shoulder.

"Jack?" I asked, as the person turned around.

"Hey Amy! Hey Ricky!" he responded. It was Jack, and I had no idea that him and Madison were in town.

Ricky nodded hello, and I greeted Jack with a hug.

"Is Madison here also?" I asked eagerly.

"No, she's not actually. She wasn't feeling up to it this morning when I was leaving, and I had promised my dad that I would visit for the weekend, while my students are on break, so I came anyway" he replied.

"Well how is she? I know she's only a couple months pregnant now, but is she showing yet?" I asked.

"She isn't really showing yet, but she's kind of swollen already. The doctor said it's normal, so she should be okay, but sometimes her feet hurt to walk, so that's pretty much why she didn't come with me. I figured I'd be here at the fair walking around, and she just wasn't up for that" he answered.

"Oh well tell her I said hi, and that I miss her!" I said.

"I will" he responded.

Jack then took a skeptical look at both Ricky and me.

"Are you two… back together?" he asked.

I just looked at Ricky and didn't respond, partially because the air around us just drew very awkward.

"No, were just here with John" Ricky stated quickly, but I could tell he was made uncomfortable by the question.

"Yeah, I'm home for break also, and John wanted to go to the fair, and asked if Ricky would come with us" I continued, trying not to make eye contact with Ricky.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I just thought…" Jack said, but Ricky quickly cut him off.

"No" Ricky reinstated.

Jack just nodded, and then tried to end the weird silence.

"Well, I better get back to my dad, I'll see you guys around" he said cautiously.

"Okay, bye Jack" I said politely.

"Yeah, bye Jack" Ricky continued, but seemed a little agitated in his response.

Jack left and Ricky and I both walked close to John as he waited in line to play the game.

"John, which prize are you going to try and win on this game?" I asked.

"That brown teddy bear that says 'I love you' on it… I want to win it for you mommy, so you can bring it back to New York with you when you leave" he replied, pretty much melting my heart.

"Aww thank you baby" I said simply.

John then turned towards Ricky and asked "Daddy, can you help me win it for mommy?"

Once again, the air around us turned gauche.

Ricky looked at me, almost unsure of how to answer, but then agreed.

"Yeah I'll help you buddy" he said calmly.

The two of them walked over to the booth, which consisted of a basketball hoop that swayed back and forth, and you had to make three out of five of the baskets in order to pick a prize.

Ricky helped John shoot the first two into the baskets, and then John missed the following two.

He had one more shot left, and if he missed, he wouldn't win the prize.

John looked at his father with a pleading look, and Ricky turned his head back at me.

He then looked back at John and smiled, and asked for the remaining ball.

He took it, and concentrated real hard on the basket for a few seconds. He then positioned his hands and took the shot. It made it into the basket and John started jumping up and down in excitement.

The worker asked John which prize he wanted and John eagerly pointed to the bear.

As soon as the worker handed it to him, he came running to me with it.

"We got it for you mommy! Me and Daddy did it together!" he said, overjoyed.

I smiled as he handed the bear to me, and replied "Thank you baby", as he hugged me.

Ricky just looked over at us, smiling, and I mouthed to him "thank you", without actually saying it.

He nodded in response.

Ashley finally walked over and tapped me on the back. I swung around.

"Hey, did you and Griffin catch up?" I asked.

"Yeah, something like that" she said with her monotone voice.

She then looked over at Ricky.

"Why hello Ricky" she said, almost sarcastically.

"Hello Ashley how's Italy?" he replied.

"Oh, Italy's great, how's Clementine?" she asked mockingly.

Ashley and I had grown a bit closer over the last few years, and she had gotten a bit more protective of me also.

Ricky smirked, he found Ashley's crustiness amusing, but I was just getting uncomfortable again.

Thankfully John interrupted.

"Can we go on the Ferris wheel?" he asked.

"Oh, heights aren't exactly my thing baby" I replied.

"Yeah mine either buddy" Ricky agreed.

Ashley made a sarcastic face, and then looked at John with a smile.

"C'mon John, I'll go on it with you" she said.

"Thanks Aunt Ashley" John said excitedly.

Ashley smiled at him, than looked up at Ricky and me, and said "ammeters".

We just laughed as the two of them walked towards the ride; Ashley really was a funny person when she wanted to be.

Ricky and I just stood there in silence for a few minutes, both of us unsure of what to say to each other.

"Thanks for coming today" I said, breaking the silence.

"Not a problem" he replied.

"You don't have to stay the whole time if you have things to do, I'm sure John will understand" I suggested.

Ricky looked at me weird.

"I don't have anything else to do" he said.

"Oh. Okay. I just figured maybe Clementine…" I started, but he cut me off.

"No, were not exactly on good terms right now" he said.

"Because of me?" I asked cautiously.

He shook his head, but I knew he was lying.

"Well it's none of my business so…" I said.

He looked at me and then responded, "She's a little aggravated that I'm here with you and John".

I felt kind of mad all of a sudden.

"Why? John is your son… and I'm his mother, she knows we have to see each other for John", I snarled.

He looked taken back by my reaction, but quickly snapped back "and Ben doesn't have the same problem?"

I hesitated to answer him, because I didn't tell Ben exactly that Ricky would be there also, but I wasn't going to tell Ricky that.

"No, he's fine with it" I lied.

Ricky could see right through me though. He just smirked in response.

"Okay, so maybe he doesn't know you're here with us, but that's only because I don't feel like he needs to know that… he understands my situation, and he knows I see you for John" I said.

"Yeah, well she knows that also, but sometimes she is a little sheltering alright? Can you blame her?" he said.

"I guess not. Listen I didn't mean to upset you, okay? Just forget I mentioned it" I said, trying to calm the atmosphere around us.

Ricky nodded, but didn't say anything.

"Well, if you aren't busy than tonight, maybe we can sit down and talk about John, and the last couple of months?" I suggested.

He thought about it, and then responded "Alright, if you want".

"Yeah, I do. You know I like to find out how John's been doing in school and stuff" I said.

"I know Amy, just come over to my apartment than after dinner or something, and we'll talk" he said.

"Your apartment?" I asked, only because we've always just met for a quick dinner out somewhere to discuss John.

"Yeah, my apartment. I'm not really in the mood to meet out somewhere to be honest, and plus I have work in the morning, so after we talk I would like to just go to sleep" he said.

"Okay, I'll meet you there then" I said, still unsure of whether or not that was where I wanted to meet him, but he already seemed annoyed so I didn't push the issue.

"John and Ashley just got off the ride, let go over there" he said, as he began walking.

I followed, but kind of dragged behind thinking.

This would basically be the first time I had been inside the apartment since I left three years ago. I've gone to pick up John when I'm home, but I've never gone inside.

What if Clementine's things were there? What if I couldn't handle it? Ugh, this was going to be hard.


	5. Chapter Five: No Matter What I Do

**Author's Note:**_Hi everyone! Thanks so much for the reviews on the last chapter, and I'm glad you are enjoying the story, so yes I am continuing... This chapter is leading up to the big moment, so get ready :)_

_Please please please keep reviewing and giving me your input, it really assures me that you are interested and enjoying the story. I enjoy reading the reviews, and it makes me happy._

_So again, enjoy! :)_

* * *

**Chapter Five: No Matter What I Do...**

* * *

**Ricky's Point Of View**

_Late Saturday Afternoon/ Early Evening._

By the time I got back to my apartment, I was shot. Between the walking around all day, and the lack of sleep the night before, I was ready to just crash right then and there; but I couldn't.

Amy was coming over to talk that evening, and as tired as I was, her coming there made me extremely nervous.

Amy hadn't been there in over three years; well she hadn't been inside the apartment since the night she left. I'd always invite her in whenever she came home to visit and pick up John, but she always said she was in a hurry and she would just wait in the hall.

I don't know why; I mean, she used to live there, and I never made her feel as if she couldn't come inside, but whatever I guess.

For some reason, I had a strong urge to clean and tidy up the place. I didn't want Amy to come here for the first time and find it in a mess, or sloppy. John and I were pretty clean, and to be honest, compared to Amy, we were obsessive when it came to being organized; however, I still felt the need to give Amy a good impression, and to reassure her that John's living arrangements were still good.

As I wiped down the bookshelves, my hand hit into one of John's kindergarten pictures I had in a frame. It fell and hit the floor, and the glass shattered everywhere.

I swung my head back in frustration. _Great, just great._

I picked up all the shards of glass, and threw them away, and as I bent down to pick the frame up off the floor, John's picture slid out, and behind it there was a second picture.

It was a picture of Amy and me, at my high school graduation, after I proposed to her. Amy had her left hand extended; showing off her engagement ring, and her right hand was wrapped around my neck, as we kissed.

I couldn't bring myself to get rid of the picture, so when John had school pictures taken, I just put it in front of it in the frame.

As I stood there with the picture of Amy and I in my hands, I just stared at it for a while. We looked so happy, so… in love. "_What happened to us?" _I thought to myself. In a matter of a year, our whole relationship went sour, and I couldn't help but blame myself.

Even if it wasn't my fault entirely, I still felt that I could have given it more effort… but there was nothing I could do at that point, it was over, and it had been over for more than three years already. I tucked the picture into one of the pen drawers, and laid John's picture on the shelf, without a frame.

I tried to continue in my effort to tidy up the place, but after seeing that picture, it was really hard for me to concentrate on anything other than it. I think that's why I always hid anything that reminded me of Amy, because it hurt too much to see it.

I finished up by the bookshelf, and was about to grab the vacuum, when my cellphone rang in my pocket. I pulled it out, and looked at the screen, "Incoming Call from Clementine". I closed my eyes, wishing I could just escape, and slowly answered the phone.

"Hey, I was going to call you, I just got home a little while ago", I said.

"That's alright; I just wanted to call you to apologize for earlier. I know I've been selfish, and I'm sorry, I shouldn't be keeping you from being with John, even if Amy is home", she answered.

I knew the apology wouldn't last, but I just agreed to avoid another argument. I couldn't stand to argue with her anymore.

"It's alright. Just forget it" I said, trying to sound as accepting as I could.

"So, what are you doing now?" she asked.

I thought about telling her that Amy was coming over, but that would have just turned into a war. I would tell her tomorrow, to save myself the stress tonight.

"Nothing. I have work tomorrow morning, and I'm exhausted, I think I'm just going to jump in the shower, and then call it a night", I lied.

"Oh. I thought I was going to see you tonight… can I stop by for a little bit, before you go to sleep?" she asked, sounding slightly upset.

_Damn it_, I thought to myself. I forgot she mentioned seeing me later on that night.

"I think I'm just going to go to sleep, I've had a long day, I really don't think I'm up for company tonight", I tried to convince her.

"Not even if I bring dinner? I won't stay long, I promise. You have to be hungry", she persisted.

"No, I'm not. I ate at the fair; really, I'm just going to knock out after I take a shower. I'll see you tomorrow, after work Clementine", I insisted.

"Fine. I'll see you tomorrow then", she said simply; although I could hear a bit of tenseness in her voice.

"Goodnight", I continued, trying to end the conversation, before she didn't agree any longer.

"Goodnight Ricky", she said sadly, before hanging up the phone.

I felt bad for lying, but I knew it would just be another argument, and I couldn't deal with it tonight. I could deal with it tomorrow, but not tonight.

Just as I was putting my cell phone back into my pocket, it rang again, and instantly I became aggravated. It had to be Clementine calling me back again, trying to get me to change my mind.

As I was about to answer it angrily, I realized it was Amy calling instead.

"Hello?" I answered.

"Hey Ricky", she replied.

"Hi Amy… is everything okay?" I said, unsure of why she was calling so early, maybe she was canceling, I thought.

"Yeah, yeah, everything is fine. I just wanted to ask you if you minded if I come a little bit earlier than we discussed. Ashley wanted to spend some time with John tonight, so she asked if she could take him out to dinner and a movie, and my Dad, Kathleen and Tom all went back to the fair for the fireworks tonight, so I was thinking maybe I would swing by the Dairy Shack and pick up a burger for myself, and you also, if you're hungry, and just come by your apartment afterwards? I mean, if you don't mind?" she said.

I lied earlier to Clementine about eating at the fair, and I actually was pretty hungry, but definitely didn't want food from the Dairy Shack.

"Yeah, Amy I don't mind, and I am hungry, but I have a couple of steaks here. I can just cook them real quickly, if you want? I'm not a big fan of the Dairy Shack." I replied.

"Oh, well I don't want you to have to cook Ricky, I'll just pick myself up something on the way, don't worry about me" she said.

"Amy really, it's no big deal, I have plenty, and it won't take long to make, don't worry about it" I insisted.

"Ricky are you sure?" she asked.

"I'm positive, just give me a half hour to jump in the shower real quick, and then come on over" I said.

"Okay, sure. Thanks Ricky, I'll see you soon" she said, and I hung up after.

I set my phone down on the coffee table, and made a run towards the shower. _Forget vacuuming now_, I thought to myself.

I don't know if I was even more nervous than before, or a slight bit excited… either way, looking back, I think I was really happy to just have Amy over again.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX

* * *

**Amy's Point Of View**

_About an hour later…_

I had just parked in front of the butcher shop, and it was taking me a few minutes to actually get out of the car and go upstairs to Ricky and John's apartment.

It's been so long since I've even seen the place, and I am really worried that Ricky may have changed everything. I don't know why it would have bothered me so much to see things differently, but, I had some sort of territorial issue going on I guess.

Ricky and I lived together there, and if Clementine's things were around the apartment now, I wasn't sure how I would react.

I didn't have a right to get angry if there were, but still I think I would be, even if I didn't admit it to Ricky. My son lived there, and for that reason alone, Clementine shouldn't have anything in that apartment… at least in my mind, that justified my reason for it.

Ugh, Ricky was most likely wondering where I was, because I said I would be there in a half hour, but I figured I'd give him a little more time. I didn't want to seem like I ran over, so I waited a bit longer; but now I needed to get out of the car.

I took a massive deep breath, and tried to convince myself that there was no reason to be nervous. Ricky and I were friends, and we co-parent, so regardless of whatever we've been through in the past, it should be normal to just have dinner in the apartment with him and talk about John.

I got out of the car, and made my way to the back entrance, so I didn't have to walk through the closed butcher shop to get upstairs.

As I made my way up the stairs, I tried to pat my hair down, and I smoothed out my shirt. I don't know why I was always worried about the way I looked, when I saw Ricky, but I did.

I approached the apartment door, and I paused for a few seconds, hesitating to knock on the door.

I could smell the food from inside the apartment, and it smelled just as I remembered it.

Ricky used to cook dinner for the three of us all the time. He really cooks well, and I missed those meals. I used to come home after a long day at school, and then working at the daycare, to find a gourmet dinner for us, already made and set out on the table. Ricky was good like that; he always knew I'd be starving once I got home.

I stood there, trying to mentally prepare myself to walk into this apartment filled with memories of the past, but I don't think anything could have prepared me for how overwhelmed I would feel as the night went on.

I brought my hand to the door and slowly knocked three consecutive times, and then lowered it, as I felt my stomach drop to my feet.

A couple seconds later Ricky opened the door. He smiled, and greeted me, and held the door open, so I could walk in.

I smiled, and took a few steps until I was in the apartment. He shut the door behind me, and I just stood there, observing my surroundings.

Everything was basically the same as I remembered it; nothing really had changed at all, and at that moment I felt a weight of relief sliding off my shoulders. It was the same little old apartment on top of the butcher shop, the same apartment we called "ours" at one time.

"The foods almost ready, if you want to sit on the couch, make yourself comfortable, I just have to get it out of the oven", Ricky said as he walked over into the kitchen.

I sat down on the same green sofa-couch I used to sleep on three and a half years ago, still as comfy as it's always been.

On the coffee table in front of me, Ricky had already placed two plates, and utensils.

"We're eating in here?" I asked.

Ricky paused from slicing the steaks on the kitchen table, and looked up.

"Yeah, I figured it would be more comfortable and less formal to just eat in the living room, but we can eat in here if you want?" he replied.

"No, no that's okay, I was just asking, that's all" I responded.

Ricky brought the plate of sliced steaks into the living room, and put some on both plates on the coffee table. He then returned to the kitchen and brought over side dishes, which he also scooped onto both plates.

He took a seat next to me on the couch, but not too close, and took a sip of his water.

"Ricky, thank you for making this, it looks great" I said, kind of awkwardly.

"You're welcome. I hope you like it, I season the steak a little differently than I used to, so it might not be exactly how you remember it" he responded.

My stomach tingled a little bit. He brought up _how I remembered his cooking_, and for some reason, it made me nervous again.

"I'm sure it's just as great" I simply responded.

"I was starving, this was a good idea Amy" he said, as he took bites from his food.

"Well, it was really your idea, I was just suggesting Dairy Shack" I said jokingly.

"Yeah, I'd rather eat real food" he said, and laughed after.

I laughed, and bit my lip, partially because I was still feeling a little uncomfortable, and I just couldn't kick the feeling.

We continued eating, and when both of us were finished, we just kind of sat there on the couch for a few minutes. The meal was extremely filling, and I think after all of the walking around that day, we both felt like we could just crash after eating such a good meal.

As we both sat in silence, Ricky was looking up towards the ceiling, and looked lost in thought, or rather trying to figure out something to say.

I found myself staring at him, without realizing it. His facial features had matured a little over the past three years, but he still looked the same. I think I was still attracted to him, but didn't admit it to myself.

Ricky had always been good looking, and I remember wondering why he wanted to be with someone like me, when he could have had anyone. Not that I thought I was ugly or anything, but I just never thought he would have wanted me, but that was over now anyway, so it didn't matter.

As soon as I realized that I was staring at him, I turned my head, to make he didn't notice.

"So John has been doing great in school Amy, his teacher says he is one of the top in his class" Ricky said, still staring at the ceiling.

I loved hearing that about John. He was so smart, and even though I knew he was such a good kid, I always liked hearing it.

"He's so smart" I said.

"He is, he really is. He's got a good head on his shoulders." He said.

"Well, that's because you do such a good job with him Ricky, he succeeds because you push him so hard" I said.

Ricky turned and looked towards me and smiled.

"You've got a lot to do with him doing well too Amy" he suggested.

"Yeah, I know, but he lives with you, and your with him every day, making sure he does so well, so a big part of it is how great of a father you are to him" I said smiling.

"Thanks Amy, I try" he said, still smiling.

"Really Ricky, you are. I don't know how I would be able to do what I'm doing if it wasn't for you. I'm able to continue my education in New York, because I know John is okay here with you" I continued.

He looked saddened by my response.

"Thanks Amy, but John misses you a lot" he said.

"I miss him too, and I know it's been hard on him the past couple of years, but I'm doing this for him, and in a couple of months I'll be back for good" I said.

"Are you sure you will be coming back to California for good?" he asked.

"Yeah, I am. Why?" I said, curious as to why he would even ask me that.

"It's just… I don't want John to get his hopes up that you are coming home, and then you decide not to, for some reason" he said cautiously.

"Why would I decide not to Ricky? I am coming back to California in May" I reassured.

"Is Ben okay with that? I know you mentioned he is going to Law School in New York in the fall" he said, bluntly.

_That's why he asked that… Ben. _

"Well, it's not really up to Ben to decide what I do, so it doesn't really matter whether or not he thinks that's okay. But, if you must know, he does know I am coming back to California, and although he is going to be upset to see me go, he understands" I said.

"Does he though? Because Amy, I'm not sure a relationship with work being that far away from each other" he said.

I got a little defensive at that point, and I really didn't want to talk about that any longer.

"It might, and it might not, but either way, that is about Ben and I" I said, a little agitated.

Ricky noticed my tension, but failed to change the subject, probably because he had a strong hate towards Ben, but never admitted it to me, not yet at least.

"I'm just saying Amy, long distance is never good, and I don't want you to tell John one thing and then turn around and stay for Ben. He'd be heartbroken, and I don't know if I could handle John's emotions if you did that" he said.

"Ricky I'm not going to do that!" I snapped.

"So your telling me Ben will be okay with you living three thousand miles away, in California, instead of New York, and in the same town as me?" he said fiercely.

I paused for a second, _why did he say in the same town as him? _Was that what this was really about?

"Ricky, I don't know okay? Of course he is nervous about things, but I am coming home to be with my son. That's it. If it's meant for Ben and I to work out, than we will, and if it's not, than we won't, but either way, I'm not going to go back on my word to John okay?" I said calmly, trying to control the tension.

Ricky realized how quickly this conversation went sour also, and just nodded, to try and lessen it as well.

I was feeling so confused at that moment, _why was he bringing up Ben, and our relationship? Did he really still care? Was he still resentful? Or was he really just worried about John?_

"I'm sorry Amy, it's none of my business what you and Ben decide, your right" he said softly.

"No I'm sorry, I shouldn't have snapped at you, you are just concerned about are son, and you have every right to be" I replied.

All of a sudden Ricky's cellphone rang on the table. He looked down at it and rolled his eyes.

"It's Clementine" he said, annoyed.

Ugh, I hated her.

"You can get it, I don't mind", I lied.

"No it's alright, trust me, I don't want to answer" he said, still annoyed.

He shut his cellphone off, and placed it back on the coffee table.

"Ricky does she know I'm here?" I asked, cautiously.

He looked at me, and then shook his head no.

I didn't say anything, partially because I didn't know what to say.

"Does Ben?" he asked, also cautiously.

I bit my lip, and said "No".

Ricky chuckled, and I did also, because it really was crazy that we had a son together, and had to hide our meetings about John from our significant others.

"Ricky I don't want to get into your business, and you don't have to answer if you don't want to, but ever since I got to California, it seems like you get really agitated every time Clementine calls you or I mention her… is everything okay?" I asked, kind of scared of his reaction, because Ricky doesn't like people in his personal business, he never has.

He hesitated to answer at first, but then decided to.

"I don't know Amy. She's great most of the time, but sometimes I feel like I'm stuck in something I'm not ready for right now… it's hard to explain" he said.

I bit my lip, and asked "Are you not happy?"

He looked at me, and it seemed as if his eyes could tell me a story if they could talk.

"Not really" he said, simply.

I was unsure of what to say, part of me was relieved that he said that, I guess because it hurt less to hear that, then to hear he was happy with someone else.

"Are you happy… with Ben?" he asked, nervously.

I thought about that for a few minutes. I thought I was, at least most of the time, but really I don't think I was in love with Ben. If I was I don't think I would be planning to come home in May for good, and leaving him. I was really confused myself, but I just tried to tell myself it would all work itself out.

"I don't know. I mean I'm happy, but I'm happy just with myself right now, I'm content I guess" I answered.

"Do you love him Amy?" he asked, almost unsure of whether he wanted to really know the answer.

"I care about him" I responded.

"Yeah, well I care about Clementine also, but I'm not in love with her." He replied.

I didn't respond right away, but I felt bad for Ricky, he seemed so at war with himself.

"Does she think you are in love with her?" I asked.

He shook his head no.

"I've never told her I love her, and I know she wants me to, but I can't say something I don't mean Amy… I just don't feel that way for her, and I don't know why. I haven't felt that kind of feeling for anyone except…" he stopped himself.

My stomach dropped again.

"Me?" I said nervously.

He just looked at me, and it looked like his mouth wanted to spit out a hundred words, but he just looked away without answering me.

I loved him too, I really did. I never stopped loving him, and I knew that… deep down I always knew that, but there was nothing we could do at that point. I was in a relationship, he was in a relationship, and so much time had already passed… the opportunity was lost.

"I never meant to hurt you Ricky" I said softly.

Ricky looked at me, and I could have sworn I saw his eyes water, but he controlled it.

"I know Amy" he replied.

He took a deep breath and then said something to try and change the conversation.

"Let me clean this up real quick" he said as he looked at the finished plates of food on the coffee table.

"Yeah, let me help you" I said, and I reached for the dish.

Ricky reached for the same dish at the same time, and our hands met each other's for a split second.

I quickly drew back my hand, and Ricky just looked at me, unsure of what to say.

"Sorry" I said nervously.

He heard me but just continued what he was doing, and then made his way into the kitchen with the plates, and placed them into the sink.

I stayed there on the couch, feeling like I was going to completely lose my dinner.

I couldn't believe I did that. _Way to go Amy, way to make things even more awkward._

Ricky interrupted my thoughts when he asked me if I could grab a garbage bag out of one of the drawers below the bookcase for him.

I got up and walked over to it, and pulled the top drawer out, but there weren't garbage bags in the drawer.

I felt my eyes tear as I saw what was in the drawer. It was the picture of Ricky and me, the day we got engaged, on his graduation day.

_He kept this?_ I thought to myself. I don't know why, but it made me feel extremely blissful to know that he had that picture still.

I glanced over at Ricky in the kitchen, he hadn't seen me open this drawer, but I couldn't help but smile at him as I watched him continue rinsing the dishes.

I slid the drawer shut, and pulled a garbage bag out of the second drawer.

As I made my way to the kitchen with the bag, something changed inside my head. It was like a light switch was turned on, and my whole mind frame shifted.

_Maybe the opportunity wasn't lost for us… maybe it was just presenting itself all over again, and we just weren't realizing it._

I wasn't sure exactly what was in store for Ricky and I, and I wasn't sure if anything would ever come of us again, but at that moment… _I decided I was going to figure it out_.


	6. Chapter Six: …I Can't Get Over You

**A/N:** _Hi everyone! So thank you soooooo much for all the reviews on the last chapter! Every time I got an email for a new review I was smiling from ear to ear! And because of all the reviews in such a short amount of time, and all the requests for the next chapter, I decided to write it today, and post it sooner than I planned, as a thank you! I'm glad you all enjoyed it, and I know all the RAMY fans are going to loveee this chapter! _

_I struggled with whose point of view I wanted to do this scene in, but decided on Ricky's because I felt like he was more vulnerable than Amy in this story, so I decide on him, I hope you all enjoy, and I am extreamlyyyy nervous about this chapter because it is very intense, and I didn't want to make it too much or too little, so I hope I got just the right in between of it all, and did well with it! _

_**Pleaseeee Pleasee Pleaseeee**__ review and let me know your thoughts, and whether or not the "Big" moment lived up to your expectations! _

_Again, be warned, this chapter is __**extremely graphic, and sexual,**__ so it is for mature readers only! :)_

**_Enjoy :) :)_**

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**Chapter Six: …I Can't Get Over You.**

**Ricky's Point Of View**

I finished cleaning up our dishes from dinner, and Amy and I ended up sitting at the kitchen table, to finish our conversation about John.

We discussed John's last report card from school, and all the new things he's been up to, but somehow the conversation kept drifting to unrelated things.

"John needs to get a physical done in the next few weeks, if he's going to go to summer camp" I told Amy.

"I'm not really sure I want him to go to camp this summer", she said, "it will be my first full summer home in almost four years, I think I want to spend it with him"

"Alright Amy, if you want" I said, "but I'll take him to the doctors to get one done anyway, just in case"

"Do you remember all our disagreements when it came to taking John to the doctors?" she asked, and then followed with a laugh.

I couldn't help but chuckle.

"I do", I said, "I particularly remember the time you swore John had an ear infection, and we spent the entire night in the emergency room, just to find out I was right all along"

Amy jokingly yelled, "Hey, he was holding his ears and saying 'ow' all night!"

"Yeah, for other reasons than an ear infection!" I joked back.

Amy smiled, and then continued, "That was the night you kept calling me your wife"

I felt my stomach tingle a little, but the blissfulness of the memory caused me to smile in return.

"Yeah, I don't know why I kept doing that" I said, while getting lost in Amy's facial expression.

She had her elbow sitting on top of the table, holding her head in her hand. She was looking at me with a smile, which caused her lips to press together more than normal.

Her eyes were focused on me, and she didn't say or do anything except continue to smile.

_She was beautiful, _just as she'd always been. Her eyes still captivated me, with their deepness, and I couldn't stop staring at her.

I thought about kissing her right then and there, but I stopped myself, I wasn't going to turn this night into yet another awkward situation between us.

I looked away, and then stood up from my chair, and Amy looked at me curiously, probably wondering why I got up so sudden.

"Do you mind if I just pull out the sofa bed real quick?" I asked.

"Oh. Yeah, of course. I'm sorry Ricky; I forgot you have work in the morning. You're probably tired, maybe I should go" she suggested.

"No Amy really, it's fine. I just want to pull it out now, because last night I was so tired that I just fell asleep on the couch, and completely forgot to pull the bed out, and when I woke up this morning, my back and neck were killing me, so I don't want to forget again tonight. If I do it now, then I won't forget that's all" I said.

"Are you sure Ricky? I don't want you to be tired for work in the morning" she asked.

"I'm positive Amy, I promise. I'm just going to pull it out" I reassured her.

Amy smiled and I made my way into the living room to pull the bed out.

When I returned to the kitchen, I saw Amy yawning.

"Amy if you are tired, it's okay, I won't be offended if you want to head back to your dads" I said.

"No, I'm just still a little jet lagged, that's all. You wouldn't happen to have coffee would you?" she asked.

"Yeah, I do" I said, "I'll make a pot"

"Thanks Ricky" she said, smiling.

She smiled with the same look as before, the look that made me want to wrap my arms around her again.

_Don't ruin the night Ricky_, I told myself for a second time.

Once the coffee was finished, I poured both Amy and I a cup, and sat back down at the table next to her.

She immediately looked at the mug I gave her, filled with coffee, and raised her eyebrows.

"You still have this?" she asked as she pointed to it, "my coffee mug, the one I always used?"

I nodded, "Yeah, I wasn't going to throw out a perfectly good mug Amy, you can take it with you, back to New York, if you'd like"

Amy just smiled as she looked at the mug for a few seconds, studying it.

"You know I was really nervous coming here tonight" she said softly.

"Really, why?" I asked, surprised. I didn't think Amy would be nervous, at least not as nervous as I was.

She continued looking at the mug, and replied "I don't know, I was afraid things would look different, and that all the things I remembered about the apartment would be gone… like the memories"

"Amy, the memories will never be gone… trust me, they are everywhere I look", the words just fell out of my mouth.

She looked up at me and bit her bottom lip like she was unsure of how to respond. Her eyes looked as if they were filled with emotion.

Suddenly I felt the urge to move forward and kiss her, just as I had before; but this time I didn't second guess myself, I decided to go for it.

I shifted my upper body forward till I was directly in front of her and my eyes fluttered back and forth between her eyes and her lips.

She didn't move, but instead just kept her eyes focused directly on mine.

I placed my hand on her cheek, and made contact with her once more, to make sure she wasn't resisting.

She remained still, never taking her focus off of my eyes.

My lips touched hers and instantly my eyes closed. They were soft, and gentle, as I remembered.

I felt her place her hand on top of mine, as I brushed it through her hair, and she began to reciprocate the kiss, making it more intense.

I had waited for what seemed like eternity for this moment. To feel that passion once again, that made me fall in love with Amy.

Suddenly I felt Amy's hand retract, and she gently pulled her lips away from mine.

"I should go" she said, nervously, and now hardly making eye contact with me.

I was so confused. _Why did she want to leave now? Maybe I shouldn't have kissed her, what was I thinking?_

I pulled my hand back towards me, and swallowed hard.

"I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable Amy" I said nervously.

She briefly looked at me, but turned her face towards the table again.

"You didn't Ricky, I just think John and Ashley will be home soon, and I don't want them to wonder where I am"

I nodded, but I knew that was a lie. Before I kissed her, she wasn't concerned about that. I knew I screwed up, but she wasn't going to tell me that.

"Alright Amy" I said, saddened.

She stood up and slipped a small smile towards me, but I couldn't help but notice that she seemed desolate. Not mad, not angry, not surprised… just sad, for some reason, and it confused me even more.

As she made her way into the living room, and towards the door, she paused and turned around to face me.

She looked at me, and looked as if she had tears building up in her eyes.

"You didn't make me feel uncomfortable Ricky, you didn't" she said, while gliding her hand through her hair, "it's just… this apartment… being with you tonight… the memories… it's just all really overwhelming"

"I know Amy" I said, "It's overwhelming for me also, but I just… Amy I really enjoyed having you here… for the first time in over three years Amy, it just feels normal here again"

Amy studied my eyes, and I saw one single tear drop from the side of her eye.

"But that's the thing Ricky" she said, with her lip quivering, "it's not normal though, not anymore at least"

I lifted my hand and wiped her tear off of her cheek slowly.

"It can be, if we wanted it to be Amy" I said, still looking directly into her eyes.

She grabbed my hand, still resting on her cheek, and held it tight.

I raised my other hand and swiped her hair from the opposite side of her face.

"I can't get over you Amy, it doesn't matter what I do, I can't get over you…" I said softly.

She just continued looking at me, and it felt as if my heart had exploded inside my chest.

"Amy, I love you… I've always loved you" I said, inches away from her face.

Suddenly her lips met mine again, but this time, Amy was the one who went for it, not me.

Her lips released an energy that just overwhelmed my entire body, and in a split second the passion went into overload.

Her arms stretched out and she wrapped them around my neck, holding tightly.

I pulled her closer to me, and continued kissing her passionately, as we slowly drifted over towards the sofa bed.

She looked at me, as I lowered her down slowly onto the bed. Her eyes were focused on me, and her breathing consistently getting stronger. Anything and everything in the world was obsolete at this moment.

Her hand caressed my face, and she whispered "I love you too Ricky".

As soon as she said that, it was like all the pain I endured over the past three years was gone. I longed to hear those words from her mouth again, I longed for this moment with her again.

I kissed her again, and slowly trailed my lips past the corner of her mouth, and towards her neck, inhaling her scent and tasting the sweetness of her skin against my lips.

Her hands held me tightly, and she slowly slid them up and down my arms as I continued brushing my lips against her neck and upper chest.

My hands traveled down her sides, and as I slid her shirt halfway up, I could feel the goose bumps rising on her skin.

I lifted my head, and slowly slid her shirt off of her, and she followed by sliding my shirt off as well.

She grabbed the sides of my chest with her hands and pulled me towards her lips again.

Her hair was spread out around her, and the glare of the dim table lamp beside us had just enough light for me to see the features of her face, and I couldn't help but think of how beautiful she was.

I kissed her again, and as our tongues entwined with each other's, I used one of my hands to help assist her in removing her jeans, and sandals.

Once her legs were bare, she continued trailing her hands down my chest, and unbuttoned mine.

I pulled myself up, in efforts to get them off a little easier. As I stood there undressing the lower half of my body, Amy reached behind her, while still staring directly at me, and unclipped her bra.

I just watched at first, still coming to terms with what was actually happening.

She slowly slid her arms out, dropped her bra on the side of the bed, and just looked at me, biting her lower lip.

I pulled her foot up towards me, and slowly began kissing her ankle, while continuing to trail down her leg towards her thigh.

I slid my fingers through the openings of her laced underwear, and slowly slid them off of her, while continuing to kiss her lower stomach softly.

I could feel her chills going up and down her skin, and the muscles in her thighs began to tense as I trailed my tongue lower.

I continued kissing the inner crease of her thighs as I slid my briefs off, and onto the floor.

Her hands were shaking, as she slid them through my hair, and I was unsure of whether she was nervous, or just enjoying the moment.

I glided my lips back up her body, past her stomach, over her breasts, along her neck, and back to her lips.

I paused for a short second, and let myself become lost in her eyes.

"Are you sure about this Amy?" I asked very softly.

She shook her head yes, without speaking, and pulled me down towards her, causing our skin to push up against each other's.

The warmth and the softness of her skin was an experience I thought I would never have again.

Her fingertips slid across my back, causing chills down my spine, and I slowly glided my fingers along her shoulders and towards her breast.

Her legs rose beneath me, and I felt them wrap around my waist, lowering my body close to her, and pushing myself inside her.

Her hands made their way back up to my neck, where I felt them softly press into the top of my spine.

I moved my waist back and forth, penetrating inside of her, as her body followed mine.

Our souls were finally reunited with each other's, and I'll never forget that moment for the rest of my life.

As our breathing increased rapidly, and our bodies continued moving in motion with each others, I couldn't help but get lost in Amy's eyes. Her beauty was astonishing, and everything about her just captivated me.

Amy never once closed her eyes either. She kept them directly focused on mine, like she was trying to look into my heart, like she was capturing the entire moment inside her head. She was studying me, as I was studying her, and the passion just took over.

There was no other feeling in the world I would have rather felt.

I'd waited so long for this moment, and as the two of us reunified our bodies with each other's, there was one thing that was certain in my mind… _I loved Amy with every ounce of my body; I wasn't letting her go this time… I was sure of it._


	7. Chapter Seven: The Consequences

_**Hello! So, you guys are awesome! Your reviews were amazing, and I was soooo nervous about that last chapter, so thank you for making me feel really good about it! **_

_**This is a shorter chapter than the others, but it's because I wanted to break up the ending of this "short story" a bit, to keep it going a little longer.**_

_**I hope you all enjoy, and keep reviewing :)**_

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**Chapter Seven: The Consequences To My Actions**

**Amy's Point Of View**

My eyes squinted open as the sunlight from the window shined directly on my face. What time is it? I thought, as I pulled the blanket up to my face, to block the sun.

I was so comfortable, and although Ricky and I would have to deal with the consequences of our actions later, was it so bad to enjoy the moment right then?

Ricky shifted his head towards me, and I looked up at him, as my head was resting on his bare chest.

"Good morning" he said softly, with a smile that pierced through me.

I smiled, but didn't respond. I just snuggled myself closer to him, and his arm, which was under me and wrapped around, held me tighter.

I wasn't prepared for the events that took place the night before, but yet I didn't feel as guilty as I thought I would afterwards.

Something happened to me after seeing that picture in the drawer, something inside me wanted to know if Ricky and I still had a chance?

I'm not sure if I know the answer to that yet, but I do know that I haven't felt that close to someone in a long time. He was gentle, and passionate, and everything I could have wanted… and to me, it wasn't something I would regret… not yet at least.

Ricky kissed my forehead, and whispered "did you sleep okay?"

I nodded, and he entwined his other hand in mine, playing with my fingers.

"I've really missed you Amy" he said, "This has been one of the best nights I've had in a really long time"

"I know, I've missed you too Ricky" I said softly, and I meant it.

Ricky smiled, and I just looked up at him for a while. I wasn't sure what I was going to do, I would be leaving to go back to New York in a couple day again, and how would I face Ben? How would Ricky and I handle things going forward? I still had another three months of school left, and he said it himself the night before, that long distance doesn't work.

"Do you regret it Amy?" he asked cautiously.

"No" I said softly, without making eye contact with him.

"Me either" he responded softly, "I love you Amy, I really do, I just want you to know that"

"I love you too Ricky" I said in return, "but you know we are going to have a lot of issues based on what we did right?"

"Yeah, for a little while" he answered, "but it will all work out Amy. All I know is that I don't want this to end here for us Amy. I love you, and I want to be with you"

It wasn't that easy… he made it sound so easy.

"Ricky I still have to go back to New York" I said looking up at him.

"I know that Amy" he said, "But not for long. You only have a few more months until you return home for good, we can get through that Amy."

"Ricky you told me your thoughts on long-distance last night…" I said.

"Amy that was different… you and I… we are different, and besides it's only a few months" he persisted.

I propped myself up, and leaned on my elbow, facing Ricky.

"What about Ben? What about Clementine?" I asked, "Do you know how hurt they will be when they find out?" I said lightly.

Ricky brushed a strand of hair out of my face.

"I know Amy, and I feel bad, really bad" he said, "but, I can't say that I am sorry for what we did. I just can't. Amy I have waited for a very long time to be with you again"

I plopped myself back down onto the bed, and put my hands on my head.

"I don't know Ricky, a few months seems like a short amount of time now, but it may not feel that way in a couple of weeks from now" I said.

"Amy, I don't care about the next couple of months, I just don't want to lose you again" he said, now leaning over towards me.

"You'd go without sex for a long time" I said, cracking a small smile.

He chuckled and said "I've gone almost four years, trust me, I can wait a few months"

My eyes widened, and I couldn't believe what he just said. That _had_ to be a lie.

"You haven't had sex since I left?" I asked, still not believing it.

"I haven't had sex since you left and you were the last person I had sex with" he corrected.

He was looking me in my eyes, and I couldn't help but laugh a little.

"C'mon Ricky, that has to be a lie" I said, still giggling.

He got very defensive.

"No Amy, it's not a lie" he said, "Why would I lie to you?"

I quickly noticed he was serious, and I could not believe he had not been with anyone in so long.

"Ricky, I thought you were joking… but you really haven't?" I asked, "Why?"

"No, I'm not joking" he said, "and because, if I did sleep with anyone, I wanted to feel the same way about them, that I felt about you… and well so far that hadn't happened"

"Clementine?" I said softly.

"No. Clementine is a great person, but I just don't feel that strongly about her, or our relationship… I told you that" he said.

"Wow" I said.

"What about you? You and Ben have been… together?" he asked, making a disgusted face.

I bit my bottom lip, but I didn't respond.

"Forget it, I don't want to know the answer" he said, holding his hand up. "I just want to focus on you and me, and what steps we are going to take moving forward"

I smiled at Ricky, and slowly shifted myself up, so that I was leaning over him.

"Why don't we just enjoy the moment now" I said, as I leaned down to kiss him.

He kissed me back, and his hand traveled along the sides of my bare stomach, and to my back.

In between kissing, he stopped and said "I am enjoying this moment Amy, but I really want an answer from you also"

Ugh, I really didn't want to get into this right now. I was confused, and unsure of what was going to happen tomorrow, let alone what would happen in the months to come.

I just continued kissing him, while sliding my hands up his chest and onto his shoulders.

He had a hard time resisting me, and while I knew he wanted answered, I figured this would be a good way of stalling him.

I pulled my right leg over him, and propped myself above him, while leaning down and kissing him.

He continued kissing me, but all of a sudden his hands grabbed mine, and he sat up, with my legs still wrapped around him.

"Amy, as much as I would love to be with you again and again today, I have to get ready for work" he said, still holding me on top of him in a sitting position.

"Err" I growled playfully, "Are you sure you don't have a little more time?"

He bit my bottom lip with his teeth, but then softly kissed my lips and whispered "I really wish I did, but I can't be late"

I understood, he was a manager now, and he couldn't lose his job.

I smiled and said "okay".

I got up off of him, and stood up, with the blanket still draped around me.

He just watched as I walked over to the end table to retrieve my cellphone, smiling.

All of a sudden my easy-goingness shifted, and I felt the panic starting.

"Oh my god, Ashley and my dad have been calling me like crazy" I said, my voice startled.

"Okay so call them" he said nonchalantly.

"And what am I supposed to say?" I asked still panicking.

"That you stayed over?" he said sarcastically, "We aren't fifteen and sixteen anymore Amy"

_Was he crazy?_

"Ricky I can't tell them that! I have to think of something else" I said, trying to scramble some sort of excuse in my head.

Ricky stood up from the bed and picked his white t-shirt off of the floor and put it on himself.

"Amy, I'm sure it won't be that big of a deal" he said, "just tell them we were talking, it got late, and you were tired and just fell asleep"

"Ricky, they are going to know something happened between us" I said.

"So what Amy" he said, defensively "I'm not ashamed, and we are adults, we make our own decisions."

I bit my lip as my phone vibrated in my hands. Ashley was calling me again.

"Amy are you ashamed? You said you didn't regret it?" he asked softly, but I could hear the tension in his voice.

I didn't answer… I wasn't sure how I felt yet… it was all just starting to sink in for me.

His expression changed when I failed to respond, and I could see him getting mad.

He walked over towards the bathroom door angrily, and stopped at the door way.

"Fine Amy" he said, "Lie, make up some excuse. Whatever… you do what you want"

He slammed the bathroom door, and I flinched at the sound.

_What did I get myself into?_


	8. Chapter Eight: Give It Some Time

**A/N: Hey Everyone! So I know it's been a while, but this is the third to last chapter of this story, and there are only 2 more chapters to go. It is a little shorter than the other chapters, but that is because I am trying to space it out for as long as I can. Well I hope you enjoy, and remember, upon completion of this story, my other story, "Secret Life The Movie" starts up, if you haven't read that one already.**

**Well enjoy, and please continue reviewing!**

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**Chapter Eight: **

**Ricky's Point Of View  
**_Sunday Afternoon_

Work was exhausting. I was so tired and ready to get home, so once the clock struck three, I was out of there. There wasn't that much longer till the grand opening of the new butcher shop, and I had pretty much completed everything that needed to be done prior.

On my drive home I debated stopping at George and Kathleen's house, partially because I missed John, and partially because I had been calling and texting Amy the entire day since this morning, and have yet to receive a response.

Maybe I shouldn't have gotten so angry, but what was I supposed to do? She was so afraid of letting anyone know that she still had feelings for me… the father of her son… the guy she lived with, and almost married.

Ugh, either way it didn't matter. She was going to fly back to New York the next day, and then what? She would return to Ben, and act as if nothing ever happened between us.

I didn't know how I was going to handle it all. I had waited to be with Amy again for an extremely long time, I didn't know how to even go about the feelings I had at that moment. Just thinking about her being in New York with Ben made my skin crawl.

_Just a couple more months_, I thought, _and then Amy would be back in California- __without__ Ben_.

I tried to turn the radio on to distract myself from thinking about everything, but it didn't work. Scanning through every channel trying to find one song that didn't have anything to do with love or heartbreak was extremely difficult.

As I approached George's block, I pulled over on the corner. I decided to call the house. If George was home, he was sure to let me know if Amy was just avoiding my phone calls.

I selected his contact in my cellphone and hit the call button, and after two rings Ashley picked up, which I was not prepared for.

"Amy isn't here", she said in her usual monotone voice.

"Hi Ashley", I said sarcastically, in response to her uninviting greeting.

"Yeah. Hi. Amy isn't here", she continued, "She and John left earlier. They decided to spend the day at the mall together."

"Oh, the mall? She didn't mention that to me." I said, kind of surprised by Amy's choice of places.

"Yes, the mall. Did she need to mention that to you?" Ashley said, again with a bit of sarcasm.

"No she didn't need to mention it to me Ashley. I just have been trying to reach her all day, that's all" I said, kind of annoyed by Ashley's resentment she still held against me- _for over four years now_.

"I know" she said, simply, "She told me; however, don't you think she spent enough time with you last night, being that she never returned home from your little _meeting_"

I rolled my eyes- _that's what this was all about._

I didn't even respond, what was I going to say? I knew Ashley already had her reservations about me, so why even bother?

"She is still in love with you, you know?" she said, after a few minutes of silence.

My heart dropped, but even still, after Amy's reaction this morning, I highly doubted her words.

"I doubt it" I said in response, "she won't even answer my calls or texts now"

"Because she is freaking out about what happened between you both last night" she said.

I hesitated to respond, because I didn't think Amy wanted anyone to know, and maybe this was just some kind of trick to get me to admit it to Ashley.

"What are you talking about?" I said nonchalantly, although she could probably hear the nervousness in my voice.

"Oh please" she said while letting out a small laugh, "Amy told me this morning. I know you had sex last night, don't act all innocent."

"She told you that?" I said, very confused.

"She didn't have to tell me" she responded, "I knew the minute she walked in the door. She couldn't stop stuttering as she told some lie about how she fell asleep and blah blah blah. Amy stutters when she's lying, she always has"

"So she didn't tell you that?" I asked.

"No, she did. Eventually she admitted it to me" she said.

I just shook my head. How did I even get into this conversation with Ashley in the first place? All I wanted to know was whether or not Amy was home.

"Like I said Ricky, she is still in love with you. Just give her some time" she continued.

"It's not like it matters anyway Ashley, she's leaving tomorrow and going to be back in New York with Ben. God I hate that kid." I said, losing control of my own thoughts.

"So what" she said, "She only has two more months or so left, than she's coming back"

"Yeah, so she says now" I said saddened.

Ashley took a deep breath; I heard it through the phone.

"Listen Ricky, I know I haven't been your biggest fan over the last few years, and I know I said some things to you about how you and Amy shouldn't be together and whatever, but maybe I was wrong okay?" she said, but I just stayed silent.

"I'm no good at apologies alright? So don't make this harder. But I am telling you, Amy has told me with her own mouth that she is still in love with you, so just give her time and she will come around. In the meantime, when she goes back to New York to finish her last few months of school, just be there for her when she needs you. Even if that means struggling to listen to her go back and forth between telling Ben the truth about what happened, just do it. She will see that you aren't pressuring her, and I am positive that when she returns home, you two will be okay"

I thought about what Ashley just said to me, and although I hated the thought of Amy going back to New York with Ben, I knew I also had to face Clementine, and figure out how to tell her what happened without hurting her as well. Maybe Ashley was right. Maybe I needed to just let things fall into place on its own. The passion was still there between Amy and I, there was no denying that. I just needed to be there for her, and prove how much I cared about her.

"Thanks Ashley" I said with a small smile, "I appreciate your… niceness"

She laughed a little and said "Yeah, well, don't tell anyone"

I laughed, and hung up the phone; but before I put the car back into drive I began typing a text message to Amy.

**To: Amy**

**From: Ricky**

**I just want you to know that I love you Amy. Wherever we go from here, and whatever you chose to do going forward is in your hands entirely. I just want you to know that I will always be here for you, and nothing will ever change that. Enjoy your time with our son, and I will see you tomorrow when I pick up John. I love you Amy.**

I smiled as I pressed "send", and placed my cellphone on the passenger seat next to me. As I looked out my window and began to drive home again, I felt content. I knew that if Amy and I were meant to be with each other, than it would happen. Fate works in ways we don't always understand, but I knew in that moment that I loved her, and that was all I could do for that moment.


	9. Chapter Nine: Up All Night

**Chapter Nine: Up All Night**

**Amy's Point Of View  
**_Monday Morning (The day she returns to New York)_

* * *

I splashed my face with cold water over the sink, and grabbed a towel hanging beside the foggy bathroom mirror in front of me.

My head was a mess, and I felt like I hadn't slept a wink all night long.

I was returning to New York today, I had a 1:00 flight, and to be honest, I was completely dreading it.

After drying my face, I took the towel and wiped a circle in the mirror so I could better see my reflection.

I just stared back at myself, lost in complete thought.

I wasn't even nervous about the flight, I was nervous about what would happen following my return.

I avoided Ben's phone calls since the morning after everything happened, in fear that if I spoke to him, I would just blurt out everything I'd done.

He had to be wondering why I hadn't called him back yet, and, knowing Ben, he is probably suspicious already.

I didn't know what my plan was, and to be honest, I just didn't want to think about it anymore- at least not for the remainder of the morning.

I just wanted to enjoy my last couple of hours with John, before I had to leave. We had a great time last night, just him and I. We window shopped around the mall for a while, got some Chinese food at the food court, and then I took him to see a late movie.

It was nice to just be with my son for a while, and to forget about all the drama involving Ricky for a little bit.

Speaking of Ricky, I had no idea what to even say to him either today. He called me non-stop yesterday, and even though I knew he just wanted to talk about everything, I just didn't want to deal with it. I needed some time to clear my head, to think about everything.

I loved Ricky, I really did, but I was so scared of how it would all affect John if we tried to be together again, and then it just didn't work out. I didn't want to take a chance on that happening all over again. John was older now, and it would really affect him.

Besides I was still in a relationship with Ben, and Ricky was with Clementine. Well at least until they both find out what happened between Ricky and me, then who knows.

Ugh, my head was in a complete and utter mess.

I was just about to head out of the bathroom and towards the bedroom to get dressed, when I heard a light tapping on the bathroom door.

"Amy it's me" Ashley said, "I just wanted to say goodbye to you before I leave"

Ashley decided yesterday to stay one extra night, and just leave in the morning instead. I was glad she did, because once I got home with John and put him to sleep last night, her and I talked for hours.

We actually had a nice talk, like one of those "_sisterly_" talks that normal sisters have with each other.

It didn't start out "sisterly" of course, and really it only began by Ashley making a snarky comment about my not returning any of Ricky's phone calls, but eventually, once the tension died down, we were _actually_ nice to each other.

Ashley matured a lot over the past couple years, or maybe I did, I don't know; but she just seemed older, wiser, and more caring now a days. However, she wouldn't be Ashley without her _sarcasm_, she kept that intact, but I guess she just knew how to use it better.

"Hold on one sec", I said as I quickly dressed myself.

I opened the door and she was standing there, suitcase in hand.

"What time is your flight?" I asked.

"11:30" she said, "but I figured I'd get there a little early, I have to go through customs, and you know how long that can take"

"Oh, I though you would at least be having breakfast with us" I said, not realizing Ashley would leave so early.

"Sorry" she said, "But I really have to get there early; I can't risk missing my flight"

"Well, I'm glad I was able to see you while home Ashley" I said, a little saddened by her departure.

Ashley's eyes wandered when she seen my sad expression. She never was too great at handling other people's emotions.

"Likewise" she said awkwardly "but listen, let's not do the whole crying, I'm going to miss you bit, okay? I'm not too good at those kinds of things"

I laughed a little at Ashley's anti-socialism; I actually kind of missed it.

"Okay, well have a safe flight home, and hopefully we'll see each other again soon"

She nodded and smiled, and I hugged her in return.

As she started walking down the hall, I turned to return back into the bathroom, but Ashley called back to me.

"Oh and Amy, seriously consider what I told you last night, okay?" she said.

"About Ben or Ricky?" I asked.

"_Both_!" she said with her eyes widened.

I smiled, and said "I will Ashley".

She smiled back, and then continued on her way.

Once I grabbed my stuff out of the bathroom, and threw my hair up in a messy bun, I returned to the bedroom and plopped back on the bed, letting myself completely collapse into the soft purple comforter laid out across it.

_What was I going to do? - _I thought to myself.

I reached my arm over and grabbed my cell phone, sitting on the night table, and reread Ricky's text to me from last night, for what felt like the hundredth time.

I scanned through it over and over - _"…I will always be here for you, and nothing will ever change that…I love you Amy"_

I lowered the phone to my face, and rested it on my chin as I stared up at the same white ceiling, I stared at all night.

Ricky would always be a part of my life, and there was nothing that could ever change that. But would Ricky's presence in my life be merely because of John, and John only, or was there more to it.

Why couldn't I control myself the other night? What was it about finding that **picture** that made me forget everything else in my life at the moment? What was it about _Ricky_?

Suddenly my thoughts went blank when John ran into the room and jumped beside me on the bed.

"Mommy, breakfast is ready!" he said.

I just looked at John and smiled, not answering him. He reminded me so much of Ricky now. As he got older, he was beginning to look more and more like him. He looked like me too, but every time I seen him, I saw Ricky.

"Okay buddy. I'll be down in a minute" I answered as John stared at me curiously, wondering why I was just gazing at him.

John scooted off the bed, and was about to leave the bedroom, but turned around and faced me as I sat myself up.

"Mommy" he said, suddenly saddened "I wish you didn't have to go back to New York today"

My heart felt like it broke, as it always felt each and every time I had to leave at the end of my visits home.

"I know baby" I said softly, "I wish I didn't either, but I have to go back to school and get good grades, like you. I'm almost finished, and I only have a couple more months before I am able to come back home for good"

"I know" he said, as I pulled him over to me, by his hands "It's just, it always seems like a really long time until I see you again"

"I know John, it feels that way for me too, but it will go fast, I promise"

John wrapped his arms around me, and hugged me as tight as he possibly could.

"I love you John" I said, trying to fight back my own tears.

"I love you too mommy" he said, and I could hear his lip quivering as he tried to do the same.

"I promise baby, in a couple months I will be home, and I will never ever leave you again" I said as I rubbed his back, still holding him in my arms.

"Will you live with me and Daddy again?" he asked, innocently.

I hesitated. I didn't even think he remembered when we all lived together.

"I don't know baby. I guess we'll have to wait and see" I answered, although answering that question was a lot more complicated than he thought.

"Daddy really wants you too, and me too" he said, as he slowly released his grip and stood in front of me.

"I know hunny, I do too, but I'm just not sure yet okay. I still have a few months to think about everything okay?"

He nodded, but I could tell he didn't want to hear that answer.

"Hey, why don't you do me a favor" I said.

"Yeah" he agreed.

"Go call your daddy, and ask him if he could join us for breakfast today?" I suggested.

"Okay" John agreed, and he quickly left the room to do as I asked.

Ricky and I needed to talk, at least about some stuff that happened. I couldn't just leave for New York, ignoring him. I needed to face all that had happened, he deserved that.

I needed to figure out how to handle all this, and I couldn't just avoid and lie to people forever.

I grabbed my cell phone and began typing…

To: Ben

From: Amy

I'm sorry I haven't called you back. Things have been…crazy, to say the least. However, can you please meet me at the airport tonight, when I get back? I really need to talk to you.

I hit the send button, and then lowered the phone into my lap.

I was nervous, so nervous that I could feel myself tearing the top layer of skin off of my lip, from biting it.

"Mom" John yelled as he raced back into my room, "Daddy said okay, and he'll be over in fifteen minutes"

Ugh, I felt a wave of nausea jolt through my stomach, but I hid my nerves.

"Great" I lied, "Well let me finish getting dressed and I'll be downstairs in a few minutes okay?"

"Okay" John said, as he raced out of the room, and stomped down the stairs quickly.

I fixed my hair up a bit, and sprayed myself with a little body spray, and right before I exited the room, I took a long hard look at myself in the mirror above the dresser.

_Alright Amy, it's time to talk. It's time to figure all this out with Ricky, you can't go home without doing so_. I said to myself, in efforts to boost my own confidence, but my voice was timid, and I still felt nauseous as I walked out of the room and shut the light.


End file.
